Kyle Gebhart

I’ve gotten quite a few ‘outside of the wordcast world’ comments on this post - so I want to have and addendum to make a few things clearer.  I’d like to restate my first point by adding a positive:

•   Burn your lists AND listen to your friends:  If you have close friends who are walking with God, you really don’t need a list.  They will give you the list in their feedback, comments, probing questions, etc.  The people who know you best will know whether your ’special friend’ is someone who will challenge you, is compatible, etc.  Friends are great, lists aren’t.  Friends make you mad because they tell you the truth - lists smile at you and reassure you of things about yourself that may not be true.

Also:  If you absolutely MUST have list just keep it about values, NOT about personality, physical type, etc. - and like I said, ‘fiery christian’ covers 80% of the territory already.

Got into a lively debate/conversation with a dear (female) friend of mine yesterday over questions of dating in our sphere around here. Basically, I mentioned that I feel many people (usually on the female side of things) get a little too intense about dating a little too quickly - and that ‘lightening’ up a little would make life a more enjoyable for all.

She begged to differ on several of my points, but I feel we came to some consensus on a few things that may be helpful for the singles out there reading this. Though I’m intensely opposed to imposing ‘rules’ for relationships and dating (never a helpful solution when dealing with the mystery of a man and a maiden, see Proverbs 30:18-19) here are our conclusions.

• Burn your lists: Whatever little ‘list’ you have of the perfect mate - yeah, that one tucked away in a journal, scrawled somewhere away from prying eyes - pull it out and burn it…or shred it…why? Because it is fantasy. It’s birthed outside of reality and far afield from the bumps and bruises of actual relationships. I’m not saying you can’t have a few qualities you prefer (I’d say…two outside of them being saved and fiery for God).

• Let Friendship Lead You: Put yourself in contexts where friendship can emerge - ways to serve so you get to know that special someone. Instead of building a ‘romantic fantasy’ apart from community, create a friendship within the community. Pray together, work together, serve together. Have a relationship that can weather the mundane and isn’t an attempt to replay some lame romantic comedy.

• Men- GET CREATIVE: C’mon dudes. Yes, you asked like, six girls out for ‘coffee’ and they all said no. Maybe that’s because coffee is kind of…well, BORING! Try thinking outside the box. Have a barbecue at the park and invite 15 people (including the only one you really care if they show up). Plan a day trip to St. Louis with yourself and three or four of your ‘friends’. Create a fun, safe, context where you can get to know her.

• Women - CHILL OUT: You don’t really need to know if he is the “one” after the first time you hang out with him. Get your friends opinions, give him a second chance if he was bumbling and awkward before the stunning beauty that stood before him. And hey, every now and then - go out for coffee with someone.

That’s my story. Thoughts?